Scared or what?

My birth family has started posting things on myfamily.com, photos and discussions etc. This is great because it allows me to peep around the curtains at them without having to go right out into the middle of the room. My sister sent me an email because she wants to talk to me more drectly. I want to talk to her too. But when she was on msn the other day, I couldn't do it. I don't know why. I sat in front of the computer and couldn't type anything. I bottled right out. No idea why. Am I scared? What of?

Not gonna happen

Well, despite working my ass off all summer I find I'm still skint. So I won't be going to Canada this year. However, I have started making more contact with my family and have just begun to communicate with my little sister. That is so incredibly wild. We've been posting photos and we do look very similar. Maybe a bit more time getting to know each other will be useful. There has been no direct contact yet from the older of my two brothers. I'm going to start making time to get to know them if I can.

It's compulsive stuff, not like meeting and getting to know strangers. I see similarities between them and my kids. I keep getting glimpses of what it would be like not to be so alone in the world. Of course nothing will take away all the previous years of aloneness, but maybe I don't have to continue being innately alone. The perception shifts in and out of focus and sometimes is a bit overwhelming, but I think it is a process I can go through.