Scared or what?

My birth family has started posting things on myfamily.com, photos and discussions etc. This is great because it allows me to peep around the curtains at them without having to go right out into the middle of the room. My sister sent me an email because she wants to talk to me more drectly. I want to talk to her too. But when she was on msn the other day, I couldn't do it. I don't know why. I sat in front of the computer and couldn't type anything. I bottled right out. No idea why. Am I scared? What of?

Not gonna happen

Well, despite working my ass off all summer I find I'm still skint. So I won't be going to Canada this year. However, I have started making more contact with my family and have just begun to communicate with my little sister. That is so incredibly wild. We've been posting photos and we do look very similar. Maybe a bit more time getting to know each other will be useful. There has been no direct contact yet from the older of my two brothers. I'm going to start making time to get to know them if I can.

It's compulsive stuff, not like meeting and getting to know strangers. I see similarities between them and my kids. I keep getting glimpses of what it would be like not to be so alone in the world. Of course nothing will take away all the previous years of aloneness, but maybe I don't have to continue being innately alone. The perception shifts in and out of focus and sometimes is a bit overwhelming, but I think it is a process I can go through.

Even more long lost people found

I have been trying to save up for my trip to Canada for about 4 years now. The flights aren't too bad, but the somewhere to stay and spending money is something else entirely. I don't feel I will be able to cope if there is nowhere I can go to get away from the emotional intensity that is bound to ensue.

I'd almost given up hope until I found a foster sister of mine on Facebook and her parents have offered me a room to stay in! So I'm really, really excited. I'm aiming at meeting my birth family in October, as well as seeing my adopted brother and my foster family. It's a nervous sort of excitement. What will my mother be like? Will we get on? Will we have anything at all to say to each other?

Finding long lost family and friends

I've had a strange life. So strange that I have trouble remembering things, and I mostly only remember the bad things. Of my early childhood, for a long time all I could remember was being locked in a bare room and being so bored and lonely and thirsty.

I was adopted as a baby. For ten years I lived with a family and I had two adopted brothers. This was in Canada. The mother of that family didn't like me very much and I was put back into Care when I was 10. Eventually I ended up in England.

Well, 30 years passed, and plenty happened and then last October I got Broadband. One of the first things I did was look up my older adopted brother. We have been talking and it is so wonderful to have found him after all this time. You wouldn't think it, as he is not biologically related, but it is filling a gap that I'd forgotten was there.

He is in Toronto, as is my birth mother who I first contacted about 4 years ago but have never seen. I'm trying to save up to go over and visit them.