Completely crazy. I've known for a few weeks that he is coming but have found it easy to just not think about. Suddenly, his visit is imminent - Friday! I'm so excited. Not nervous, though I wonder if it will be a bit awkward, us being all grown up now and totally different people.
I never stopped thinking about Ian, and Steve, as my brothers. Steve is youngest, and doesn't remember me and isn't bothered. I understand and that is fine with me. I loved him with passion when I was 7 and he was 5. I have lots of sweet little memories with him in.
When I first got on the internet, in 2006, One of the first things I did was Google Ian's name, because I seemed to remember being told he was a lawyer. Lo and behold, he came up on the first page. I clicked to see a picture - and there he was! Totally recognisable after all those years.
I tentatively made contact, fully convinced that he wouldn't want to know me at all. But I was wrong! Since then, we have had some intense phases of exchanging emails. Not all the time, we have big gaps, but I'm sure we will stay in contact forever now.
Bit of explanation. We, and Steve were each adopted from different families as babies. Until I was 10 and put back into Care for being some kind of evil devil child. Or something. Ian and I have had to agree that it's an unsolvable mystery.
That is the best bit about the whole thing. We have been able to discuss things that have been bothering us all this time and get some kind of perspective and understanding about what was going on. I learned, for instance, that the pike didn't really pull him into the river, he had just waded in and didn't want to admit it. I also learned that I hadn't really tortured the dog and caused it to be put down. It had actually gone to a farm to live because it was too big.
Ian, I hope, has learned that he was just a little kid too, and none of it was his fault, any more than it was mine. After all those years, I rediscovered a sense of solidarity against adversity with my brother. Which I had forgotten.
And beyond all that, it has been a delight to begin to get to know the man version of the child I knew.
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Hi, Briar:
Edna Armstrong asked me to contact you and tell you of her illness. Tongue CA. She was in hospital for several weeks and is now living in a nursing home called Fudger House: 439 Sherbourne St., Toronto, Ontario M4X 1K6 Phone: 416-392-5252Edna is in room 335.
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