Well, Richie.

I had no idea that it would be possible to find my blog like that. It's scuppered me a bit because I'd decided I was just going to start on my life story! It's not like I'm doing it anonymously anyway, but I hadn't thought about people who actually know me reading it!

But then, I've found in the past that when I start talking about my stuff, it empowers others to do a bit of it as well, and I've seen waves of catharsis and healing sweep through groups of people, because one person decided to get brave.

As to the birth family thing. I really really want to see what my mother looks like. But I'll never see her how she was when I was growing up. That's all gone. I sometimes wonder if I've been sabotaging myself. I still haven't got a passport even. (There are some difficulties with that, but probably not insurmountable) Why do I struggle to keep 2 vehicles on the road? If I was really determined to go, of course I would find a way. So maybe there is something going on in my head that is actually stopping me. Yes, definitely. As I write there is this big ache in my chest. Fear of rejection I guess. Or fear that there just won't be anything there. No sense of connection after all.